Jan. 11th, 2017

borlandia: (costanza)
Tonight is a familiar night.

I have nights where...I'm just not sure I'm going to make it.

I always do.

But that stir of uneasiness. The stress of not trusting yourself. It's a struggle. That's the only word for it.

I called the suicide hotline tonight for the first time in over a year.

They hung up on me. They said they couldn't stay on the line because I didn't talk enough.

I wish I had more to say.

I just don't.

This is the hard part - so much hurt - nothing to say about it.

I just want someone to blab - just don't care about what - just talk. As long as it's out loud and to me, that's fine.

My own head is so bad for me.

Moving On

Jan. 11th, 2017 07:55 am
borlandia: (1)
Yesterday was a struggle but I've got to put it behind me.

When I have nights like that - little sleep, struggling just to stay alive - I always work from home the next day. Just having my laptop in bed with me and being in my PJs all day is a slight comfort. Usually helps me feel better. Today I'm feeling slightly flu-ish as well, so this should be good for me.

You'd think the dog would like having me home, but she just gets irritated. I think it upsets her sleep schedule.

The News

Jan. 11th, 2017 02:06 pm
borlandia: (kitty)
When I was younger, I remember reading the newspaper from time to time. My parents didn't restrict what we watched on TV (with the exception of a couple of times being told we couldn't watch "Beavis and Butthead") but when we watched was another story. If they decided we'd been watching too much, they turned it off for a while. Once my dad decided we had watched way too much and turned it off for a month. No joke.

Anywho, I tried to space out watching TV more and a lot of the time, in the mornings I'd forego Mark McEwen (for whatever reason I liked CBS's morning show) for reading the paper.

The funny thing looking back at that today - I never questioned it. I read it, enjoyed it, processed it, and put it down.

It's different these days. I'm not sure you can read anything anymore without questioning the source, who published it, and dissecting the content.

"People are idiots" is a hip thing to say, but it might not be so much stupidity as it is inattention. They say attention spans are shorter these days, and with that has come the "headline" culture. People don't want to read the content, so they stick to the headlines. Ergo, the headline has to be interesting, sometimes sensationalist, sometimes a flat-out lie. You have to really think and filter out everything we're being fed these days. A lot of it is isn't reliable.

Ignorance might be bliss, but more than anything else, it's a lot less work.

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borlandia

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