Jan. 30th, 2017

borlandia: (matlock)
There are a lot of reasons I don't have children.

One is the obvious one: you have to find a woman to sleep with you first. That eludes me from time to time.

Then there's my insecurities about my abilities as a father. I lack responsibility in a lot of venues. If I were an irresponsible father, well, I wouldn't deserve to BE a father.

Then there's my family history. Littered with mental and physical illness. Myself, suffering from depression and anxiety has been a burden. I wouldn't wish my mental anguish on anyone, and I'm not sure I even want to risk passing it on to someone else.

Then there's the world I'd be leaving to my child/children.

Can I, in good conscience, bring a new life into a world so mean, selfish, evil? Can I, who honestly believes mankind itself has a maximum of maybe 100 years left before we do ourselves in, bring a child into the world, feeling they will probably suffer a terrifying, painful death, and watch THEIR children perish as well?

I look around and I see not much progress, not much happiness, a lot of strife, pain, suffering....and it's getting worse.

I don't want to have anyone else experience this. It's too much for me.

Sorry if this is downbeat. Just thinking.


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