borlandia | Bent and maybe broken

Talked to my cousin tonight for the first time in a very long while. Even across all these years, him and I have a ton in common still. Not on the surface at all. If you'd superficially looked at the two of us, you'd say there couldn't be two more different guys out there. But like our mannerisms and the way we go about things is really similar. Him and I have kind of a lot in common as well in the fact that we're kind of in the same mental kind of, block. Kinda stuck in this limbo stage where you're not sure what you SHOULD be doing, you're not able to do what you WANT to do, so you just do what you CAN do, even though that may totally conflict with what you want to do and what you should be doing.

I guess the bottom line is we're both just not very happy with our lives and we'd both just like to go somewhere else and get something else going. There's a possibility we might split an apartment down in San Diego or something in the future depending on how things go in the future. Oh well, that's the skinny on that.

I had a pretty nice weekend at home. It was hard to get things done but I did whatever I could. My mom was kinda crampin' my style as usual. I could never talk to my mom about shit anymore because she just starts rambling about something I don't really care about and starts relating everything back to herself and all of the sudden you're in this circular one-sided conversation where you find yourself just nodding your head and saying "ok" and praying to God that you're struck by lightning or something.

I guess I'll probably go see "Fever Pitch" this week. Probably by myself. I don't know when. Maybe I'll just drive out to Oakland and see a REAL baseball game instead. Also by myself.

Tomorrow I just have a lot of class and a lot of shit to do. Have to get this "paper topic/outline" cranked out by Thursday for Psych and have to do a ton of Chem to catch up.

Today's just been a heavy day of like, trying to keep myself from getting too wound up. A lame ass Sox loss, a stupid end to the Masters, annoying parents, a long nap, a fair amount of time wasted TRYING to read but not actually getting it accomplished. The only class I'm actually caught up in is history, and that's because, well, it's actually kinda interesting.

Just getting broken in is all...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I know the stage where you feel stuck...not being able to do what you really want...perhaps don't even know what it is you should be doing...but i've come to realize that one day it will come to you...it's just maybe at this time you're not ready for it...maybe you need to learn other life's lessons before some guiding force hit you with that special light, and then you're on your way. But it will come.

" she just starts rambling about something I don't really care about and starts relating everything back to herself and all of the sudden you're in this circular one-sided conversation where you find yourself just nodding your head and saying "ok" and praying to God that you're struck by lightning or something." [that's so funny and sad at the same time]

my cousin and i are like that two. he's a year younger than me, but i was always closer with him than my girl cousins, despite the age differences (youngest girl cousin who's older than me is 2 years older). and even still, he and i (although we seldom talk) are closer than ever. i love it.

I'd go but you see that's not working.

yo, this is really random, but sometimes i check out your journal (like tonight) and i don't know if you prefer to go to ball games by yourself or something, but if you ever want to go to an a's game and don't want to go alone, i'd be more than happy to check out a game with you, since none of my friends here like baseball.

hopefully this comment wasn't too weird.

Not at all man, I try to go every once in a while, just chill in the bleachers and keep score. Wherabouts do you live? Is it a long drive for you?

I just realized you're probably a girl with the "fairy" in your name. I apologize for the "man" pronoun if you are a girl and I apologize for generalizing if you're a guy.

no worries...and just so it's clear, i am a girl.

anyway, i live in berkeley, so it's not far at all.

how many games do you usually get to?

I try to get out whenever I can. I'm in Davis so it's kind of a drive but a lot of weekends I'm at home (Oakley) which is closer so I'm more likely to go then. I'll def. let ya know the next one I go to if youre interested...prob next homestand, so late April/Early May

Bent and maybe broken

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