Repetition will keep us together
Dec. 21st, 2016 05:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
borlandiaI have a lot of respect for folks who can maintain long relationships and not be miserable. There's several things that take a lot of patience and tolerance. I often wonder if I have enough of either at times.
Everyone eventually slides into their own comfort zones as relationships develop, and as that happens, the little things that become irritants come to the surface. I think people in general, when together for long periods of time, have small tics or things they do that come off incredibly aggravating to the other party. Maybe it's just me, too, but sometimes if I'm just not alone for too long, I start to go nuts. I need a LOT of alone time, and that often gets interpreted as "I don't like you". We can always put on, but only for so long. Those little annoying things that make you unique are going to infuriate the one you love at some point.
Not just that, but a lot of relationships are built on repetition. You get used to routines. TV shows on certain nights of the week. The same dish for dinner three times a week. The same activities when you get bored. It's nice to have this set up (otherwise you just end up spending all your time arguing about what to do) but it can become psychologically straining at times. You want some freedom in your life, usually, and doing too many things by appointment can result in a freak-out.
Not just that, learning how to deal with conflict and not being myopic about it. I never figured this out. It's still the end of the world anytime I argue with anyone.
Mastering those things (and with 'mastering' I mean, being able to manage it without jeopardizing the long-term health of the relationship) takes a lot of patience, courage, and maturity. People that can pull this off, and who aren't in those long-term relationships just for appearances and for tax purposes, have my undying admiration.
Everyone eventually slides into their own comfort zones as relationships develop, and as that happens, the little things that become irritants come to the surface. I think people in general, when together for long periods of time, have small tics or things they do that come off incredibly aggravating to the other party. Maybe it's just me, too, but sometimes if I'm just not alone for too long, I start to go nuts. I need a LOT of alone time, and that often gets interpreted as "I don't like you". We can always put on, but only for so long. Those little annoying things that make you unique are going to infuriate the one you love at some point.
Not just that, but a lot of relationships are built on repetition. You get used to routines. TV shows on certain nights of the week. The same dish for dinner three times a week. The same activities when you get bored. It's nice to have this set up (otherwise you just end up spending all your time arguing about what to do) but it can become psychologically straining at times. You want some freedom in your life, usually, and doing too many things by appointment can result in a freak-out.
Not just that, learning how to deal with conflict and not being myopic about it. I never figured this out. It's still the end of the world anytime I argue with anyone.
Mastering those things (and with 'mastering' I mean, being able to manage it without jeopardizing the long-term health of the relationship) takes a lot of patience, courage, and maturity. People that can pull this off, and who aren't in those long-term relationships just for appearances and for tax purposes, have my undying admiration.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2016-12-22 02:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-22 04:20 am (UTC)One of my best friends is a Russian immigrant. It's a different world talking to them.
no subject
Date: 2016-12-23 12:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-22 03:28 am (UTC)