Troubled Times

[borlandia]

There are a lot of reasons I don't have children.

One is the obvious one: you have to find a woman to sleep with you first. That eludes me from time to time.

Then there's my insecurities about my abilities as a father. I lack responsibility in a lot of venues. If I were an irresponsible father, well, I wouldn't deserve to BE a father.

Then there's my family history. Littered with mental and physical illness. Myself, suffering from depression and anxiety has been a burden. I wouldn't wish my mental anguish on anyone, and I'm not sure I even want to risk passing it on to someone else.

Then there's the world I'd be leaving to my child/children.

Can I, in good conscience, bring a new life into a world so mean, selfish, evil? Can I, who honestly believes mankind itself has a maximum of maybe 100 years left before we do ourselves in, bring a child into the world, feeling they will probably suffer a terrifying, painful death, and watch THEIR children perish as well?

I look around and I see not much progress, not much happiness, a lot of strife, pain, suffering....and it's getting worse.

I don't want to have anyone else experience this. It's too much for me.

Sorry if this is downbeat. Just thinking.

Comments

[butterbyitself]

I'm horrified at what's happening in the world and I feel like apologizing to my son (who is not even 2) for bringing him in to such a world. I think I did write something to that effect in the baby journal I keep for him the day after the election. "I thought I was bringing you into a better world than this, but maybe you can make it better." Kinda like this poem:
https://fleurmach.files.wordpress.com/2016/06/tumblr_o8w5dmqoxr1qz6f4bo1_1280.jpg?w=869
But that's me being an optimist. Maybe too optimistic. Anyway, all the love and joy they say about having kids is true, but it's also freaky and terrifying in many ways. Can't blame people for opting out.

[borlandia]

That's a positive way to look at it. I honestly have a shred of hope that "old millenials" like myself might get a chance to salvage something. I don't hold my generation in ultra-high regard, but it seems the majority of folks my age are progressive on social issues, and will have been battle-tested by working through the big recession and being somewhat responsible with our money.

Honestly, though I think it'll take some kind of plague that'll kill everyone over 65 years old.

I lashed out at my aunt and uncle last week - in as much of a way as I can actually lash out (I'm pretty mild mannered).

I didn't blame them personally, but advised their generation had done so poorly electing officials and handling themselves, that they got to have the 2.3 children with the man working and the woman staying at home, earning enough to feed, clothe, shelter the family, take them on vacation once a year, and put some away for retirement, while this generation has zero chance of that now. I told them they got to sit back and enjoy retirement, do the things they wanted to do, check off their "Bucket List" while we effectively bankroll their medical care and what have you with our tax dollars. Meanwhile, we won't see a dime of that, and will probably keel over dead at our desks if the Baby Boomer leaders don't nuke us all into oblivion before that.

We've got a chance, but the older generation needs to check out, and soon.

This ended up even more grim than my original post. Imagine that.

[butterbyitself]

It's true... the Baby Boomers had it made, and don't realize the lifestyle they enjoyed is no longer available to the average American.

[gwendraith]

With regards being a parent, there are three things to remember. 1. Every new parent is a beginner, a learner who is worried how they will manage. 2. Nature is a weird thing and it naturally gives us the rush of love and the skills to manage and if you are a decent bloke, which you appear to be, you will do fine. 3. The perfect parent hasn't been born yet. We do our best but we ALL sometimes make mistakes. If we mostly get it right then they thrive and they don't remember the mistakes with anything other than it was just a part of growing up and they remember the good times more. The fact that you are thinking about what it might mean to be a parent says to me that you are the type of person who should be a parent and would be a good one.

Mental health treatment and medicine in general is improving all the time. It is a consideration but the gene pool doesn't mean that what you or grandparents suffered with necessarily mean that your children will.

I have two children and two grandchildren and I do wonder what world they will be living in in the future, but you know, the way our beautiful world will survive and overcome all the negatives we are seeing today is to continue the human race by having and raising children to have values and be better people.

Life is a gift, children are gift and the pleasure they bring is enormous.

[waxbox]

I really understand this. I've loved children since I was little. I took care of my brothers and sisters because I was the oldest. I've always had a maternal instinct but now I'm riddled with bad genes and mental illness. What good would that do a child? Then yes, the state of the corrupt and wicked world. How unfair is it to bring them into it and try to tell them to be better than those around them? It's not easy I imagine. My siblings honestly haven't turned out that bad, but I think if they were less worldly, they would be happier. This world seems to bring nothing but grief for many, so yeah, I get it.

However, the good news is to look on the bright side. You never know until you try, being a parent I've always imagined is a rewarding experience and if you do it as best as you can, as right as you can, you'll end up with an amazing journey that turns out alright in the end. You don't have to let your kids turn into the rest of the society, you can be real and honest with them from the start. Don't keep them in the dark, yet keep them innocent for as long as you can. They need to know about the darkness of the world in order to make a decision on rather they'll join it or rise against it. If they decide they want to be part of the turmoil, you'll have to say you did the best you could and you'll always love them. Remember, it takes a bit to grow up and realize you don't want those things.

Anyway, I hope I'm making sense.

[helvetica]

I'm personally child free but I think that if you want children you shouldn't let insecurities bother you. Being a parent definitely makes you more responsible, more accountable, and as long as your child is safe and knows they are loved, they'll know you're doing your best. As for bringing children into this world, there's definitely argument there for not, but also, what if your child was to be a beacon of love and kindness in this dark world? What if he or she grew up to be someone important who made waves and fought for the little guy? There is always light and always goodness. Even when things are hard and bleak there are always things that make our struggles worthwhile.

[plicease]

Not sure about the rest, but one argument against the "can I in good conscience" is that if you raise your kid right they may contribute to the world in a positive way to make it better and maybe not quite as selfish and evil.

Not sure that it holds water or not, but there it is!

[pixelzomblina]

I wonder about the same thing if I were to have children... I would have to "cut back" my meds and not stop taking them entirely. So I still have this chance of having some sort of birth defect or whatever I have be passed on to them. It's too scary to think about.